


Anam Cara

by K9Leo



Series: La Amistad [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bilingual Characters, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship is Important!, Friendship is Magic, Hurt, Latina!reader, New York City, Reader-Inserts, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, no seriously, spanglish, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21580954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K9Leo/pseuds/K9Leo
Summary: “A friend awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you.” ~ John O’Donohue.---Anam, the Gaelic word for soul.Cara, the Gaelic word for friend.Anam cara, defined as “soul-friend” in the Celtic world. They were someone who you confessed to, sharing your inner-most mind, heart and self, whether it be as a teacher, companion or spiritual guide. This friendship is an act of recognition and belonging, where you are understood as you are – sans mask or pretension – bringing out the real contour of your spirit.---Steve Rogers grew up poor, but despite his low social-economic status, he went on his way to gain plenty. Bucky, his brother. The Howling Commandos. And even Peggy - if he finished his mission.And like his plane, his present and future all went to a frozen hell he never expected to survive.Yet he did.But it didn’t mean things stayed the same.Now, he must learn to survive in a brave new world he never asked for. Nor wanted to.That is, if he ever decides to leave the old boxing gym.(He doesn’t.)Then, the two of you meet up through your friend.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Series: La Amistad [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536847
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. Connections

**Author's Note:**

> “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” ~ C.S. Lewis  
> \---  
> Life is all about standing up after a fall and adapting. Sadly, Steve's having a hard time getting on his feet now that he's flying solo in this brave new world.  
> Isn’t he?

Steve was used to loss his entire life.

His father, during his childhood.

His mother, as a juvenile.

His brother, in war.

His utmost loss.

However.

Wasn’t human.

Nor a being.

It. Was.

Time.

To dance.

To celebrate.

To be with Peggy.

To live and grow old.

To connect to his loved ones.

He was continuously the man out of time.

Now he had all the time in the world. And no connections.

\----

Reborn from ice, like a frozen phoenix, he had a second chance at life. And he spent the future –his present– punching away his frustrations, his disgust in missing _SO MUCH TIME_ in a small boxing room in the lower levels of a gym that was over 60 years outdated.

Thank goodness for small miracles.

He snorted at that, swiping off the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

Then, he started his punching routine all over again. The hits were music to his ears, the pain in his knuckles grounded him to reality. At least here, he could pretend he was in the present. He could pretend everyone else was alive.

He could pretend he had never crashed the plane and lost time. Lost connections.

70 years-plus is long enough to lose all the very little that he had.

“Hey man, that’s some nice swings. Mind giving me some pointers?” A tenor voice sang out in the air.

He paused, mid-punch. His arm dropping down to his side. He huffed. ‘ _Nothing like reality to end illusions. ‘Cause it’s all illusions.’_ He thought as he glanced to his side and saw a rather interesting black man. ‘ _Might as well get this over with.’_

The man was tall and rather fit – as evidenced by the toned muscles under his white wifebeater* and blue shorts. He wore a bracelet that held three colorful stripes; yellow, white and black, in that order.

What was most interesting was his hair.

Steve had never seen a black man with curly hair that mirrored Charlie Chaplin. Especially one that was dyed blond on the top!

It was considered unmanly to even think of dyeing your hair as a man; that was a woman’s domain.

He knew black hair as tight kinks and coils that were loud, proud and boisterous. But this man’s curls were small blond swirly loops on the top, with black fades on the sides. Mischievous and serious all at once. The stranger’s eyes were a playful silver, like waves at nighttime, greeting the land with all its unexpected eagerness.

Kinda like right now.

Steve inhaled deeply through his nostrils.

He could walk away.

He did that all the time with any of the SHIELD agents that tried to bond with him or such. Give a courteous response before making excuses to leave. That was his MO. He was even able to pull that off with Fury.

A feat he still considered incredible!

Especially since Fury was the director of the whole agency. And a Black one to boot. Steve was certain that must have been some uphill battle to get that spot. And he was certain Fury wasn’t someone you should even dream trying to cross with.

And yet he did. He avoided personal time with the director like a civilian to jury duty.

But then again, Fury had sensed that from him long before he himself would open his mouth to make his excuse. They all knew he had a minor distrust with them. But could they blame him?

He woke up a month ago to his not-old-world ( _Great, now even he was calling it old_ ) guised as a lie, fearing that he wouldn’t react well to this brand-new world.

And they were right.

He knew that, deep in his heart despite the lies he said with a grin on his face.

_‘No, really. I’m good.’_

He would always say that at the end. For the most part they all let him be. He was Captain America after all. He can tackle anything and didn’t need anyone.

But he didn’t want to be Captain America.

Or even Steve Rogers from the ‘40s.

He wanted to be a nobody.

A fresh brand-new start.

And this guy was a stranger.

And strangers had no expectations for other strangers either. Here, he wasn’t the heroic Captain America or even Steve Rogers, a man lost in this brave new world.

Before he even had time to think, his mouth spoke for him.

“Show me what you got then.” He nodded and gestured the kid with his hand, _go right ahead._

The black guy’s eyes shined like Christmas lights. Then he began his first hits. They were fairly basic moves. Jabs, hooks, uppercuts here and there followed by crosses that could use a better starting stance…well all of his moves could, but hey!

That’s why he asked for his help!

And help he was going to give.

He was good at helping. Especially when it came to giving a good punch.

Soon the guy ended his hits, saying, “Whaddya think?”

“Alright, you got the idea of the moves down.” Steve said as the guy grinned, “But you need the stance. Watch your footwork. Make sure your starting stance is set properly. Which is your dominant hand?” He began.

“My right.” The stranger stated. Steve frown as he glanced down to the young man’s feet.

“Okay, switch feet, you’re in a southpaw position.”

“What’s southpaw?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“That’s when you use your left hand as your dominant one. Your foot stance matches that. Seeing how you’re a righty, you want your foot stance to be orthodox. Like this.” He shifted his feet to said position, his left foot moved to the front, while his right foot hung behind his left.

“Oh, shoot! I didn’t realize my friend often uses lefty moves. That Ambidexter.” The guy said as he switched his stance’s to copy Steve.

“Good.” Steve smiled. “Now let’s focus on your movements and punches.” They spent the next few minutes fixing his stance, movements and hits. Before Steve knew it, he was smiling along with the young man, as the guy added sound effects to his jabs, hooks and crosses as he tackled the punching bag once more.

“BANG! BANG! WOOOSH! BANG! BOOM” The black man sang.

DUN DUN DUUN DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUUN DUN DUN.

Of course, like all good things, reality ended with a new sound joining the empty boxing room. More specifically, some music with a trumpet with a rather odd beat. That’s was all Steve knew for sure.

“Aw, shit.” The man glared at his string bag laying nearby, before sighing and glancing back at him. “That’s my alarm telling me it’s time to go home. I can’t miss my train. My show, B-9-9, is on tonight.”

“You live far?” It was moments like these that reminded Steve –whether 1940’s or the present– that somethings never changed. Like trying to make it on time to catch your favorite radio show.

No, wait.

There were no radio shows.

It was a T.V. now. T.V. show… right?

Right.

“Yea man. My fam will chew me out for missing the show, it’s the one few times we all get to hang in the middle of the week.” The man said as he fetched his stuff by the wall before coming back to him. “I gotta go, but before I do, whatcha name?” The black man held out his hand with a smile.

“My name?” He took the man’s hand with a steady shake. “It’s Steve. Yours?”

“Mateo. You can call me Teo though. Everyone else calls me that.” Mateo took back his hand and took out his loud phone from his string-bag before turning off the alarm and pressing (what Steve assumed were) buttons on the flat screen. A small beep later, Mateo turned off his phone before glancing back at him, grinning.

“I’ll see you next time Steve. You’re a pretty cool dude. Thanks for the tips.” Mateo said with a wave before sprinting back upstairs.

“No problem.” He waved back to empty air before he went back to practice by himself. He started up with a warm-up, going through different punches, then paused. Something bugged him. He took a deep breath in. Then out. Then he looked around, checking what changed.

He was alone. Like usual.

He disliked it.

For the first time since he came down here, the small boxing room felt uncomfortable. It was too big, too quiet and too lonely. The complete opposite when Mateo was here.

He sighed and resumed punching, adding some Bangs, Wooshes and his new favorites, the BOOMs. Now, THAT was better. Even homey.

Maybe, next time, he’ll say them out loud with Mateo as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans! 🦃
> 
> Welcome to part 2 of my Steve Rogers/Latina!Reader series!
> 
> I want to thank you guys who read, gave kudos or commented on "Un Extranjero Amiguero". It means the world to me to know that people like with what I came up with! Especially since I'm slowly getting over my shyness of sharing my craft (and want to improve my writing skillz 😎).  
> (Also did you see that image I made with the words lined up like that at the start???😁)  
> ....  
> Anam Cara as seen from here is Steve's perspective from where he first meets one of your "friends" in this story-verse. Don't worry, you'll show up later! Some groundwork needs to be laid first. Especially for my favorite scene where we left off from "Un Extranjero Amiguero" where you and Steve explore a bit of modern-day New York. 
> 
> ~~(And I can throw out my random fun trivia facts I give out when I act as a tour guide for my own family and friends when they visit the city).~~
> 
> A bit on my version of Steve Rogers. He is a combination of what I have seen from the MCU movies with a scattering of random info I learned about him from the comics. So if it doesn't matches up from what you see in the movie, this is why. However, that being said, there will be somethings from MCU that inspires the directions this story goes.
> 
> *wifebeater is another word for tank top that was often in use during 40's. 
> 
> I don't like that term, but this Steve still uses it for right now. Which leads me to another point I want to cover beforehand.
> 
> The serious stuff. 
> 
> This Steve I will present to you guys is from the 40s and is a white cis men with hetero goggles on. ~~(I don't know if he's bi yet. Or if he even knows himself.)~~ I expect him to have some mainstream 40s ideology and mindset that will be challenged by present ideology he deals with. Don't be surprise by 40's slangs he uses and the minor misogynist, homophobic and/or racism he unknowingly presents as he adjusts to modern day society.  
> However, he is still the sweet kid from Brooklyn who believes in justice, and equality with a sense of righteousness.  
> ...  
> On a final note that is the fun stuff:  
> Mateo's ringtone is the B99 theme song. I have it too 😁.  
> Can any of you guys correctly guess what's Mateo's specific ethnicity?  
> Or his family's country(/ies?) of origin? 
> 
> Here are some tips:  
> One of his parents' countries had high immigration rates in the '80s and still does today.  
> He's a Black Latino, but he comes from a specific minority group that is a blend of the "Yellow/White/Black people" who have their own language and flag. Said flag which also happens to have the same colors as Mateo's bracelet. In that order. 
> 
> 😉Good luck!


	2. Updating Connections - Please Stand By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve slowly adapts to the idea of modernizing (thanks to his work-out buddy) and crosses path with no other than you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (aka, this title is really my mood rn). I hope this is a nice pick-me-up for all of us in school who are studying ~~(I mean suffering)~~ for finals.
> 
> Credits to my sister for assisting the creation of this chapter's name. 
> 
> Now go back to studying and ace (or pass, passing is good) those exams and papers!  
> We can do this! 💪😃

His solitary 40s’ workout gym was no longer his own.

Steve wasn’t sure if he minded it or not.

At least Mateo’s company wasn’t forced per say, unlike the mood he felt from SHIELD agents; NOT that they didn’t mean well, it just felt artificial. Like his current stay.

His current place (he refused to call it a home) was currently in the NYC SHIELD Building. Located close to Time Squares and Port Authority, they gave Steve one of their “guest rooms” that was usually reserved for their VIPs figures.

The room was a hotel master suite.

Luxurious king-size bed, jacuzzi bathtub, plush carpeting and a small kitchen with a small dining table, along with the latest up-to-date “Computer” and “Television” (the names of those rather odd boxes). He was encouraged to use them to get up to date (not that he did, mind you). He also had room service with three-star Michelin chefs serving him.

He was a pampered pooch here.

And he hated it.

The only downside of his own room (according to the agents), was the ugly one-sided window, whose view to the outside world showed only a congested old street.

There were dirty apartments with people talking on the stoops. Cars honking on the streets. Bicyclists and pedestrians going around the still standing cars, waiting for the light to turn green. Vehicles lining up to enter the pricy parking lot while white steam and grey smoke floated around the rather odd yellow hotdog carts on the other side, giving them a magical air as it’s sirenic smell called people down to line up for food. Vendors on the sidewalk selling and making their living as they shouted “GETCHA WINTER GEAR. HATS, GLOVES, SCARVES! ALL AT A GREAT PRICE.” Friends hugging as they met on the corner. Strangers giving directions to lost tourists. That poor fella sprinting after that bus that just left. A rainbow-green pond of unknown liquid sitting in the middle of the street in the pothole.

It was an unextraordinary, hustling gritty street of New York. He loved it.

Not like his posh room, the shiny chrome technology or the enigmatic agents running left and right with their covert plans. Plans that might include lying to him about the present with a 40s stage set-up when he woke up and then trying to befriend and pander Captain America, telling the American icon to join the present WHEN HE CLEARLY DIDN’T BELONG IN THIS TIME PERIOD **OR THIS RITZY ROOM**.

He wasn’t no Jay Gatsby.

Steve Rogers was a Francine Nolan.

Yet people only saw a Jay.

With Mateo, Steve slowly found himself ~~befriending~~ listening to the energetic man who would chat to him as they worked out, practicing their punches. He wasn’t a Jay with Mateo.

Just Steve.

He also learned quite a few things about the fella.

**Like one: Mateo was an elementary school teacher.**

“Did you know that kids still think that Pluto is still a planet? This makes me proud as a Millennial, but sad as a teacher when I’m going over science.” Mateo smiled, apparently not sad at all about this.

“Wait, Pluto isn’t a planet?” Steve paused mid punch.

“Shh.” Mateo held his index finger against his lip. “It is in our hearts. Pluto, king of the asteroids and the Kupier belt.” He waved his hands apart with a grin, eyes glittering.

“Oooo-kay.” Steve had no idea what to say to that.

“Sorry. I tend to be a bit too much,” Mateo chuckled, “but I hope you get used to me. I like you. You remind me of that shy kid in class with a big heart.”

Steve shook his head and smiled, “It’s alright.” he said as the duo started a different workout set.

 _‘Maybe it’s time I catch up to date with the planets now…and whatever that Koopiar belt thing Mateo is talking about.’_ Steve thought.

Steve also learned a second fact about Mateo that warmed his heart.

**Two: They were both Brooklynites.**

“What??? NO WAY! Well actually, yea way Chey-lei!” Mateo lifted his hand in a high-five. Steve returned it with a laugh. “Which town you from?” Mateo’s eyes sparked.

 _‘Now I see why he’s an elementary school teacher, he fits right in with all his energy.’_ Steve snorted as a smile painted on his face. First, they were talking about their favorite diners, then old (well, old to Mateo) writers, now hometowns. Things like this made him feel at home, like he never left.

Well the 40s that is.

New York was still here.

“Chey-lay? What’s that?” Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, pronouncing the odd word. “I hail from Brooklyn Heights, although I did spend some time in the Lower East side before moving there. I live in Manhattan now.” Steve said, throwing heavier punches at the bag.

So, what if he threw them harder than he needed? His sleeping place wasn’t home.

“FWEEEEEEET.” Mateo whistled as he punched his own bag in a warm up. “Brooklyn Heights is a great place to live in. It’s a shame it’s so pricy, otherwise we would try to live there.” Mateo shook his head with a smile, as if dispelling daydreams.

“It is nice.” He hummed with a frown. _‘I guess now is a good time to learn about the real estate situation of the present. Especially if I want to find my own place in Kings County. It can’t be THAT pricy.’_ He thought. “Also, you never answered my question, what does chey-lay mean?” Steve said.

“Chey-lay? Oh, it’s Honduran Slang for a Blonde person. Like you.” Mateo grinned as he added more punches to the punching bag. “It’s spelt c-h-e-l-e.”

“It’s has a nice ring to it.” Steve said, feeling the side of his lips lifting.

Soon, “Hey Chele! What’s up?” became Mateo’s greeting to him whenever he came down to the gym. “Oye, Chele, didja know that…” Mateo would continue, as he told his teacher story of the day and Steve nodded along. 40s or present, there were some things that never did change. Like little kids misbehaving. Or playground crushes. Or nicknames, shared between friends.

Like him and Mateo.

“Hey Chele, how’s it going.”

“Nothing much Teo.” He smiled in returned to the Black Latino, as his gym buddy came down. “Just trying a new workout routine.”

“Word.” Teo gave him a thumbs-up, smirking before he made his way to set up a punching bag and joined him in their routine. “I had pupusas today for lunch. The Guanaco in me craved it after not having it in a while.”

Steve felt the corner of his lips drop.

“I thought you said you were Honduran…or was it Catracho?. And what are pupusas?”

“Pupusas are stuffed tortillas gifted by God. Also, I am Honduran,” Teo smirked, as if he was sharing some big secret. “-but I’m also part Salvadorian. Or Salvi for short.” He winked then started the next set of hits and jabs towards the bag.

Which lead to fact **number three: Teo was a mixed child. Very mixed**.

“Wait, so who’s Salvadorian and who’s Honduran? And where are those countries located?” Steve paused, trying to recall the minor facts he learned in geography class as a kid. _‘It’s been a while since I thought of that.’_ he thought, feeling the corner of his lips drop. _‘I am certain of one thing and that is –’_

“They gotta be south of Mexico.” Steve said at last.

Teo blinked at him. He felt his stomach jitter with nervousness. _‘I hate feeling like an idiot. I get enough of that from SHIELD agents. I don’t want Teo to think I’m just a dumb jock.’_ He thought, feeling his cheeks warm up.

“Right?” he added, feeling his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

“Yeah.” Teo nodded.

 _‘Good, so I was right’_. He thought with a sigh while Teo continued talking.

“My folks are from Central America. Dad’s a white Salvadorian and my mom’s a Black Honduran. Well, a Garifuna to be more specific.”

“Garifuna?” Steve felt his stomach drop again, thinking, _‘Maybe I am a dumb jock. There’s so much I don’t know.’_

“Yeah, Garifuna. We’re a minority ethnic group. Our blood is mixed of Native Arawaks, African and European. We tend to live on the Atlantic coast of Central America, but my Gurifuna family lives in Tegucigalpa. Honduras’ capital.”

“I guess that explains your looks. I never seen a black guy with grey eyes and Peter Lorre-esque curls like that. Or a man dying the top of his hair blond before. It’s usually black hair and brown-” He thought out loud before pausing when he felt the air change around him. He glanced at Teo, who was studying him like he was some mystery Sherlock came across. “-Eyes...”

He felt his face heat up as if he finished running another mile. _‘Did I commit a faux pas? Was I not supposed to say that?’_ He gulped. _‘Please don’t be mad. I can’t lose my first friend! **APOLOGIZE**. I NEED TO APOLOGIZE.’_

“I’m sorry. I hope I’m not being too insensitive?” He said. His throat felt constricted.

Teo tilted his head before nodding. “Apology accepted.”

The odd air around him went back to being…well air. Steve couldn’t really describe the feeling yet.

“Well, now know you know we exist. You’re the first person I met whose never seen men wearing a dyed mohawk fade. It’s pretty popular with some athletes.”

“Really?” Steve’s jaw dropped.

“You don’t go out much do you.” Teo said, studying him as if he could read his own soul.

“No. I kinda need to catch up to the present. It’s a long story.” He inhaled deeply through his nose. _‘I should really stop delaying that.’_ He thought.

“No rush. You can talk about it whenever you’re ready, on your own time.” Teo smiled, giving Steve a soft pound to his shoulder.

“Thanks.” He exhaled. They resumed their workouts.

But by far, **No. 4** was the most important thing he learned about Teo: **his** **family of friends.**

There was Willy, his old buddy from college. An investigative journalist who dreamt about writing his own book. María, his girlfriend, a computer programmer focusing in cyber security while creating indie games on her spare time (whatever that means).

Then there was You.

Teo’s favorite cousin.

Well not-blood-cousin, but did blood even matter at the end?

_You were something else._

“Un Colibrí.”, Teo called you, shaking his head with a smile. “She’s always up to something, that busy hummingbird.” Teo always like to talk about the misadventures you took him and your friends throughout the city.

_From the odd spots you explored…_

“Last weekend, she had us go to the abandon Roosevelt Island smallpox hospital ruins. She saw in the web and wanted to see it in person. Said it reminded her of some old building she knew in her mom’s birth country.”

_…To the foods you ate…_

“Yo, so last Wednesday, Colibrí took me to this Trini spot-”

“Trini?” Steve asked.

“Trini, you know, like from Trinidad and Tobago.” Teo said. “Anyways, Coli took me to this Trinidadian place somewhere in Brooklyn to eat a thing call “Bake and Shark and ma-”

“Excuse me, did you say shark?” Steve said, his punch pausing in mid-air as he glanced towards his friend. Teo snickered from his spot where he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Yeah, it’s some fired shark with flatbread and stuff. It’s pretty good street food. Anyways as I was saying… Bake and Shark. Man, I didn’t not expect to like that. And the sauces they had!”

_…To odd things you did…_

“So yesterday, Colibrí got around a hundred bucks when she came back from the park.” Teo said as they took their water break.

“Did she win a prize or something?” Steve said.

“Nah, she was practicing her instrument and had her case open, to pack quickly. Just in case it began to rain. People thought she was playing for cash.”

“Ha-ha. I’m sure she was still pleased with that. What’s she gonna do with all the dough that she earned? That's a lot of money.”

“I dunno. Probably go and buy some NY Badassilisks quidditch jersey she had her eye on for.” Teo said as he took another sip of his water.

Steve paused mid-sip. “Quidditch? What’s that? And what in the world is a Badassilisks?”

“It’s a sport from Harry Potter that’s like a blend of rugby, basketball and dodgeball. Colibrí used to play it back in college. The Badassilisks is the city’s local team.” Teo said, then laughed when he saw Steve’s baffled face.

_…that made you interesting._

“That’s really a thing?” Steve said after Teo explained the sport and your adventures in playing it during college.

“Yeah. She gone to lots of places because of it. But that’s Colibrí, my quirky cousin.”

“If she was a book, I would LOVE to read about her.” Steve chuckled. “I kinda want to meet her. I wanna know who’s this person that’s so adventurous and quirky.”

“That she is and you will.” Teo smiled softy to himself before sighing, “When she’s isn’t working, studying or sleeping. I miss hanging out with her. I haven’t seen her much recently. Her energy is something else.”

“Let’s do another round of those pilates you taught me.” Steve said. “I have a bone to pick with you about Jules Vernes. ‘Around the World’ is definitely his best book he written.”

“Uh, no.” Teo rolled his eyes. “That honor goes to ‘Twos’ Year Vacation’. I loved that book!”

Steve snickered. He didn’t like seeing his friend down.

The next few days, when he wasn’t at the gym or in NYC SHIELD Building, Steve found himself in Central Park. Inspired by your stories, he explored the park and he would doodle people, park statues and new buildings he glanced at. Yet…somehow his drawings always came back to drawing you.

From Teo’s descriptions, he drew you in clothes he would imagine you wearing from his old era with pin-up victory rolls as you took that weekend dance session, swing-dancing with Willy. Your snicker as you placed whip cream on Teo’s hand while he was sleeping with a feather in your other hand. Standing in a fencing pose, wearing a Zorro costume as you play-pretend with Amy, Teo’s kid sister.

He drew every story Teo told about you. You reminded him of Atalanta, exploring the world with nothing stopping you.

None of Teo’s Tales or his drawing prepared him for when he met you.

The first time he saw you wasn’t when you were taking the world by force, like some fierce Amazonian heroine. Instead, your glossy eyes held unshed tears. With sniffles filling your nose and a frown set profoundly on your face, Steve had to wonder if you had ever laughed or smiled. Your glare alone could pierce a lesser man as you snorted when your not-blood-cousin, Teo, spoke.

“You need this.” Teo said.

“I’m fine.” You roughly stated as you both made your way downstairs and across the room. Teo, a light cat’s walk and you, a stomping elephant with your arms crossed.

“Fine she says.” Teo rolled his eyes, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “All you’ve been doing is durmeindo like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Well, you been telling me para dormir más. No sé que es your problem.” You snorted, folding your arms across your chest.

“Sleep is good, but not cuando te duermes the whole day away. You hate haciendo eso.” He stated, while you scowled like a child receiving punishment.

“Do realize que no voy a hablar.” You said, glaring at Teo with your arms crossed. You scanned the room before you met his eyes.

That odd air he rarely got from Teo now came back again in full force from your preternatural stare. Only now, he could describe it as an eerie back-tingling feeling he only felt when he thought someone was watching him. A tingle that reached all over his body, morphing to a raging pins-and-needles sensation till it escalated to numbness.

It was as if his whole body fell asleep to the tingling sensation.

He couldn’t move. His heart pounded, lungs demanding air as he got trapped in your stare.

You were truly Atalanta, the hunteress; he your prey. A Calydonian boar you seek to killed, waiting for the right shot. His movement was sluggish. Even lifting his hand felt like he was lifting weights before the serum, heavy and unyielding. Yet he did. With a tight grin and shaky wave, he greeted you.

A prayer for mercy.

You sighed and the preternatural penetrating air simply vanished, leaving the room air feeling warm, dank and musty like before. His body, his to control.

All occurring within the tick of a second-hand from the old gym clock next to him.

You waved back. Your transformation was a complete one-eighty. Your smile, small and kind, a balm to the nerve-sensation he felt a second ago. Your eyes, apologetic and curious.

“Who’s the blonde guy over there?” you said, facing Teo once more.

Teo rolled his eyes.

“Oh him, he’s the residential gym rat. Don’t mind him. Oh, and also, his name is Steve. He really likes working out. Not the social type. Nice guy though, gave me great pointers on how to improve my swings.” Teo smirked.

“Alright, cool.” You mumbled.

“So let’s get to the swing of things. We’re gonna do this set of routines.” Teo said, bringing you over towards the other side of the boxing room. You stood there waiting as the Blacktino (as Teo often called himself) went to pick up a bag. You sighed as he hooked up the yellowed punching bag and gave you a smug look. “Now watch, this is what I want you to do.”

His friend punched the bag endlessly with a combination of jabs and crosses, stopping when Steve counted sixty ticks from the old gym clock.

“Th-think yo-you can beat that?” Teo huffed.

“No duh.” You said.

“Wi-with t-that pi-picture of your e-ex you s-said you wanted to hit?”

“WHAT?!”

“Yo-you heard me. Tape it up. I know you brought it.”

“Fiiiiine.” You said. You took your drawstring bag off and pulled out a paper and scotch tape. You quickly taped up the sheet of paper and threw the tape back in the bag. “See, na-nothing wrong with me.” You snorted.

“Punch it.” Teo said.

You froze. “What?”

“Punch it. You said you would like to punch his face. Tape your hands and show me what you got.”

 _‘What?’_ Steve thought. _‘Why would she wanna-’_

“Fine. But don’t think I’m doing this ‘cause I’m sad about that ‘Walk-In’ thing. I’m totally over him.” You went to your bag again and took out a two hand wraps. Once you were done, you went over to the bag.

But you didn’t punch.

You sniffed instead.

“Hey Coli-”

“I’m _**fine**_.” You shakily brought your hands up to a proper fighting stance and glared at the bag. You threw a fine punch. It never reached it target. Your hand hovered an inch away before you huffed and brought your arm back.

You gave a slow tap with your other arm instead. Than softly tapped the bag again with your other arm. The gym was quiet save for your sniffles, light punches and Steve’s sudden quick punches to his own.

He had a routine to finish. _‘I wish I had that picture she’s looking at.’_ He thought. _‘It’s like I can feel her bottled up anger.’_

“I’m gonna change now Mateo.” You flat voice cut through the air a few minutes later.

“Alright. I’ll meet you outside. Want noodles or something? My treat.”

“Sure.” You said. You took off the taped-up paper, crumbling it up into a ball and threw it into a trash bin nearby before placing the bag on your back. You went back upstairs without even taking off your wrappings.

The moment you left the floor, Steve spoke.

“What was that all about. What happen to Colibrí?”

Teo sighed. “Let’s just say, she wasn’t spending enough time with her boy. Even when he knew she was busy with grad school and work. So, he found another girl. And she walked in on their make out session when she went to visit him at work for a surprise. Dumped him right on the spot.”

“Ouch. Well…good for her for leaving him. How long was that ago?” Steve said.

“Three days. I dunno how much you understand Spanish-”

“None at all, save for the few words you taught me. What did you guys say? I only understood when you sprinkled some English words here and there.”

Teo snorted, but it came out more as a half laugh, half sighed.

“Mainly, I was calling her out for sleeping all the time. She only does that when she’s depressed and refuses to release her emotions. It’s not good for her. She needs to let them out. It’s okay to feel sad or anger.”

“So, you brought her down to box?”

“I brought her down so she can do something other than to sleep or bury herself in her schoolwork or work. I’m just hoping boxing would allow her to at least physically react and punch out her anger. She hates crying and María isn’t here for that girl-girl TALK SHE NEEDS!”

Mateo covered his face with both of his hands before dragging them down and off his face.

“Why doesn’t she call her? A dame needs her girlfriends as well.” Steve said.

“Calls? Who calls nowadays? Who even says dame? She can videochat with María, but she’s too prideful to admit she’s hurt. María drags it out of her. Always did when they were in college, but María is in Brazil for a family emergency. I’m not María, but I’ll still be there for my friend.” Teo exhaled before glanced at the punching bag. “I should put that away. How was your day?”

_‘SHIELD agents tried to talk to me again, reminding me of my honor and legacy. Fury also stopped by with the guise of delivering me another book to ask me if I had any future-plans yet. I then spent the rest of my time in my room doodling my one-month anniversary living in the future which mainly consists of that one guy running late to catch his bus outside my window while I’m waiting to go to the gym and hear your stories. Turns out, you guys are having a bad day too.’ Steve thought. Instead he said,_

“Can’t complain. Living the dream, you know?”

Teo stared, the odd air returning like usual when he started studying Steve.

 _‘It’s the same preternatural tingling feeling Colibrí gave…only less.’_ Steve thought to himself. The odd sensation disappeared a second later as Teo shook his head with a sad smile.

“At least one of us is doing well.” Teo said.

 _‘I’m not and you somehow know it. At least you let me be.’_ Steve thought, instead he said, “Yeah.”

“I-I’ll see you later Steve. Wish me luck on helping Colibrí.” Teo said.

“You’ll do fine. You’re there for her just like Buc-” He froze and stared at the bag. _‘Bucky’s been dead for over 70 years now.’_ Great. He felt a node behind his throat. A tight sting that wanted to cry out. He deeply inhaled the humid gym air, then exhaled. _‘No problem Steve, just breathe in. And out. In. And out.’_

Soft footsteps went his way. A hand on the shoulder. He felt a cooling sensation, like a salve to a burn, soothing his soul. A promise of _‘Everything will be okay’_ that somehow hugged his core like a parent comforting their child after an upsetting event.

“Just breathe. It’s okay to not be okay.” Teo spoke. He released his breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding.

He felt Teo’s hand squeeze his shoulder once more. He took another breath before facing Teo, who took out his cell phone from his pocket.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I want to be there for you too. Can I have your number Chele?”

“Uhh I d-don’t know. I-I’m in the process of getting one and I don’t know my new number.”

Teo nodded, despite his eyes frowning at his poor lie.

“Can I give you mine’s?” Teo said.

“Please.” The word left his lips before thinking. A moment later he held a ripped piece of paper in his hand containing ten different digits.

“Text me when you get it. Promise?”

“Promise.” Steve said.

Teo stared at him one more before speaking, “Do you want a hug?”

Steve nodded, refusing to let his emotions escape from his heart. Teo embraced him. It was warm, a tad tight and filled with brotherly love he hadn’t felt since his own brother died.

“Keep in touch.” Teo said giving him a quick pat on his back. Steve leaned back, breaking their embrace.

“Will do. Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for. I’ll see you later.” Teo gave a two-finger salute before he made his way to the stairs, leaving Steve alone in the boxing room.

Steve went back to his routines, but the room was too loud with the hum of the lights, the hot air moving through the vents and the pounds from the floor above as people moved about in their workout. All in the meanwhile, his thoughts wandered, from his dead brother, to his current friend and then to you refusing to cry and express your emotions.

**“GAAAAAH!”**

He swung.

The yellowed punching bag flew off its hook, airborne till it slammed into the wall across from Steve and slid down.

_‘Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in…..’_

Steve stood in place huffing, studying his reddened hands before sighing. He went to the yellowed punching bag and placed it back in its spot. After a quick shower and change of clothes, he left.

He needed to see someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When editing is love, editing is life.  
> Just like pupusas 💗😍😋  
> Thank God for Microsoft's 'Read Aloud' helping me see the weird speech to change it and make it sound smoother.
> 
> Mateo is Garifuna and I wish he could give me that calming sensation when I tried to talk to a professor to ask to work in her lab (and she wasn't even at school that day 😅). As for the story posting, I estimate that I'll probably post once every two or three weeks depending on the busyness of my schedule.
> 
> I wanted to post this before I start my hectic studying and writing my term paper. I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> As usual, I appreciate all of you who reads, kudos, bookmarks and/or comments! Thank you guys and see you next time! 😁


	3. Connections Updated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whirlwind of emotions comes from living in the 21st century. And Steve isn't the only one going through them.  
> Thankfully, he beginning to have friends to rely on now.

While he felt like a lost tourist inside the NYC SHIELD building, after asking around and surprising some agents, he finally got directions. He marched to his destination to the man he avoided like the plague. He didn’t trust the nosy agency yet, but there was one man he did.

The only one who let Steve adapt to modern life at his own pace.

Despite finding the room with the door wide open, he still knocked.

“Come in Steve.” Fury said without looking up.

Another reason why he liked Fury. He was the only one here who used his first name.

Steve closed the door behind him and sat in front of Fury’s desk. He smiled at the orange cat that slept next to the desk in its kitty bed.

“Cute cat. I didn’t know you were a cat person.” He said, chuckling in his mind, _‘Makes you seem more like an average Joe instead of a feared leader’._

“Thanks. Her name is Goose and I’m not.” Fury smiled as he observed the sleeping cat before his lips drooped to a frown as the man glanced at him. “What is the reason for your visit? Must be personal if you closed the door.”

_Where no one can hear us,_ said the unspoken words.

“I have two requests that I’m hoping you can fulfill.”

“Depends on the demand.” Said Fury.

“Well. For one, I would like some new church clothes and directions to any nearby Catholic churches that **_doesn’t_** include St. Patrick Cathedral.”

“And your second request?”

“I want a cell phone. I also don’t want the agents here to know about it. I’m not in a mood for them to drag me into the present. I can figure it out on my own.” Steve said.

_‘Plus, this gives them less of a chance to “buddy” around me.’_ He thought. _‘I hate it when they get star-struck. I never want to be a show horse again like in ‘42._ ’

Fury placed down his papers, studying Steve like he was a specimen under a microscope before he nodded.

“I’m pleased to see that you’re taking an interest in **_our_** modern world Steve. It will be delivered to you tonight with instructions on how to use your new cell phone. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Steve paused. The last few times Fury met him, the leader delivered on his promise to get him books Steve requested. He received books about space, countries, a Spanish-English dictionary along with a sketchbook and pencils. Now came the personal stuff.

“I -uuuuuh- have a friend. She doesn’t seem to deal too well with a recent break-up. I was wondering…. Do you have any advice that would help her move forward and more importantly, get her to deal with her repressed emotions?” said Steve. He felt his cheeks heat up seeing Fury’s right eyebrow lifted.

_‘I hope my face isn’t as red as a tomato. Does he think this is about me? It would be embarrassing if he did.’_

A beat passed before Fury leaned back in his chair, smiling as if he knew something Steve didn’t.

“Only a fool won’t listen to their own emotions and respect them. Like I tell all my agents, if you want to cry, then cry. Remember: it’s okay to not feel okay. Feel your emotions, even if it’s just you by yourself, then you’ll feel better. You aren’t a lesser man for doing so.”

“Uh…thanks? But I’m good. It’s for someone else.” Said Steve. Even the tips of his ears felt warm.

“Whatever you tell yourself. Now is there anything else?” said Fury.

“That’s all.”

“Alright. If you need me, you know who to call. I’m on one for speed dial.”

“Uh, thank you?” Steve said, a frown painting on his face.

“My pleasure. Now if you don’t mind, I have some reading to catch up with. Leave the door open when you leave.” Fury said.

“Gotcha.”

That evening, Steve found a new box on his desk after sneaking dinner to his room. After reading the instructions given to him, he set up his cell phone and dialed the number on the sheet of paper given to him earlier.

_Riiiiiiing. Riiiiing. Riii-_

“Hi! This is Mateo, how can I help you?”

“Teo? It’s Steve-”

“Steve? No way! You finally got your new phone!”

“Yeah, I did. I got my new phone after you left.” Steve felt the corners of his lips lift. Warmth filled his heart once more. He liked having Teo as a friend.

“Also, uuuh…how are you? You didn’t seem too hot when I left.”

“I’m alright.”

“Bullshit.”

“Language.” Steve huffed.

“What are you? An elementary school teacher? I thought I was the teacher here.” Teo chuckled.

Steve couldn’t help but laugh. Teo after all, was a grammar school teacher.

“Good one Teo.” 

“Pfffffft. Thanks, I’ll be here all week. But seriously, it’s still bullshit. Man, I saw you earlier today. How are you holding up? I worry about you, you know? Be honest.”

“Don’t worry Teo,” Steve said as he walked by his window, staring out into the small street, as he repeated his usual lie to the agents. “I’m…” He paused when he saw two people giving a fierce hug outside. It was obvious from the grimace on one of the man’s face, something was wrong. After breaking their hug, they both sat down a nearby stoop with the friend rubbing circles onto the crying man’s back. While his face wasn’t in a painful grimace, his lips held a frown filled with peaceful sadness.

Acceptance even, of whatever this world threw at him.

Steve sighed. _‘I don’t want to pretend anymore. Teo’s not SHIELD. He doesn’t know about Captain America. He cares for ME. It’s been a while since someone who’s not SHIELD did.’_ He thought. _‘Maybe I can tell him the truth. My safety won’t be compromised. Plus, Fury did say I should just stick to the basics, this way I don’t accidentally reveal the truth.’_

He took a deep breath in.

“I miss my friend. He died in a war.” He exhaled, freeing the words trapped since…since…

It didn’t matter.

“Oh man. Steve, I’m so, so sorry.” This time, it was Teo who sighed. “It’s hard. Being able to move on. I know what it’s like. My own brother died of PTSD after he came back from the war.”

“War? What war?” Steve felt his heart pounding, thinking, _‘Fury said nothing about America being in another war. I thought the Second World War ended after I died-er-froze. What’s going on??? Was all my effort worth for nothing?!?!? Did the war never end?’_

An even scarier thought entered, _‘Do they need me to fight? I don’t think I can fight anymore.’_

“He died after returning from Afghanistan. Took too many sleeping pills. Said it helped him not have nightmares. I still miss him.” Teo croaked at the end.

There was a long stretch of silence just listening to each other breathe.

“I don’t know what to say.” Steve finally said. “My best friend, my brother really. Bucky, he fell off a train. They never found his body.”

“It isn’t easy.” Teo said.

“It’s not. I feel guilty.”

“I do too. Even though I was ten at the time, sometimes I wonder. If there was anything I could have done.”

“It’s not your fault.” He felt hot anger coursing through him, thinking, _‘I’m not gonna let my friend go through the same thing I did’_. “You had no control over that situation. You were a kid.”

“And it’s not your fault either that your friend, Bucky, died. Sometimes, things happen.” Teo stated as if it was a plain fact.

“You don’t know.” Steve’s voice croaked.

“No. I don’t. And you don’t need to tell me. I’m just here for you, so you don’t have to go through this pain alone….”

Alone.

A l o n e.

“Steve.” Peggy clear voice rang through his ears, but it was no longer music to his ears. They were the last angry TING of a telephone ring, asking to be picked up. “Steven, please look at me.”

He glanced up, tears rolling down his cheeks, like they were a tiny waterfall. He saw her with a sad smile as she sat down next to him on Bucky’s bed. He gave a tight hug to Bucky’s pillow and sniffed it, as he glanced around the bunker room. Never was he more grateful for the super serum. He didn’t care about the muscles it gave now, the serum allowed him to still smell Bucky’s spilled aftershave, even when the pillow was washed twice this morning before the failed mission.

It seemed like a life time ago when he accidentally broke the fragile glass container that dawn. Sometimes, even he forgot his own strength.

“Please talk. I can’t help you if you don’t.” She said.

Steve snorted, placing the pillow back to its place, glaring at his dirty gloved hands. “You can’t help me, you don’t understand.” He whispered, softly as a church mouse. _‘What’s the use of being Captain America when I can’t even save my own brother. I killed him.’ He thought with a sniff._

“I know what it’s like.” Peggy said with a whisper. “I lost friends and family here long before you Yanks even came here. It’s why I work so hard, so we can have less losses and end the war sooner. We all want to go home, back to our regular lives.”

“Did you lose a brother?” Steve said.

“Yes.”

Steve paused and looked beside him to see Peggy’s loving eyes that shone with unshed tears.

“Were you the cause of it?” He hissed, glaring like he was a cat about to fight.

Those loving eyes left, leaving behind the determined woman everyone knew her to be. “Steven Rogers. IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.” Peggy said, poking his shoulder with each word. “You had no control over that situation.”

“Easier to say when you weren’t there. I’m gonna shower.” He stood up and made his way to the door.

“Fine. Go.” Peggy stated. “But know, you don’t have to go through this pain alone-”

He didn’t listen as he left the room, but he remembered the words she ended with:

‘ –you have friends that care.”

He went into the bathroom and threw his uniform off, followed by his interior clothes. He stepped underneath the shower head and turned the water on, feeling the lukewarm liquid fall over him, calming his nerves. With a quick rub, the soap created suds around his pinkish skin, as he tried to clean all traces of this day off him.

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice rang in the shower as he tried to scrub the dust off his hair. “Steve.” It said as he took of the dirt from his fingernails. “Steeeve.” The voice said again, only this time it was less rough and smoother, like singing. The falling water had long turned cold.

Maybe freezing to death won’t be so bad.

“Steeeven.”

He turned the knob completely, letting the cold engulf him.

He couldn’t feel his fingers or his toes. He couldn’t breathe.

“Steeeve.”

He was drowning, sinking into the depths of the cold ocean with his plane.

Darkness engulfed him like an old friend’s hug.

Maybe it was better this way.

….

….

_‘It’s so cold.’_ He thought, feeling the final bubbles of air escape from his lips. _‘I don’t wanna die.’_

….

….

“EY CHELE!” Teo yelled.

Steve blinked and found himself warm and dry. He was no longer in the cold ocean, but back in his cozy hotel room standing by the window. The two men outside his window were now laughing so hard, they were hugging their abs.

His heart was rapidly beating.

“Are you still there!?” Teo asked.

_‘Breathe in. And out…. Breathe in…one…two…three….four.... And out…two…three…four….’_

“Chele?” Teo said again, worry coating his voice.

“Uhh, yeah. Sorry. I got distracted. You were saying?” Steve bit the inside of his cheeks. He didn’t want to tune out his friend. It wasn’t even a year yet since Bucky’s death in his mind and yet his brain was still kidnapping him away into old memories.

“I said I’m here for you. You don’t have to deal with this pain alone. I’m here when you need me.”

“I-uhhh thanks. I’m not sure if I can talk about it yet.” Steve swallowed, hoping that the saliva would calm the pain in the back of his throat.

It didn’t.

“It’s okay.” Teo said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Hey, can we just pretend that I’m alright for right now?” Steve sighed.

_‘What else can we talk about?’_ Steve thought. _‘Wait, what about-’_

“How’s Colibrí? I wanted to check in and see how she’s doing.” Steve said. _‘After all, it was the main reason why I spoke to Fury today…and got my new cell phone and clothes.’_

Teo sighed. It had the same vibe he got from his mother after he came back home injured from a fight and tried to get him to talk about it.

Disappointment.

“She’s still locked up like a clam. " Teo finally said.

“What if I tried talking to her? Think she’ll let me?” Steve said.

“It’s worth a shot. Let’s find out.”

“Good luck Chele.” Teo snickered.

“I got this.” Steve said.

Even though Steve couldn’t see him, he knew Teo was smirking with his chuckle.

……

After ending the call with Teo on Friday night, Steve found himself watching the seconds tick by till he could see you (and even Teo) again. On Saturday, he went out on a sketch fest and drew everything he could think of.

His old apartment and his mother cooking in the kitchen. Him and Bucky at Coney Island, watching the Cyclone roller-coaster zooming by. The Empire and Chrysler buildings, whose structures oversaw everything in the Manhattan skyline. Bucky smirking at him on the Brooklyn Bridge. Ebbets Field, with him, Bucky, Teo and you rooting for the Dodgers. Ellis Island, with yours and Teo’s parents sitting on the bench, waiting to enter to their new home. Times Square, with you swing-dancing with Teo, celebrating your victory in getting into grad school. The punching bag and your glare; your midair punch that refused to hit the cause of your pain from last night.

Your unshed tears and scowl, ignoring the painful reality.

He stopped.

He couldn’t draw anymore.

After dinner, he set up his new clothes fitting for church service and went to bed early after checking the Mass times and location. His mother would be disappointed at his recent behavior, but he hoped she could still be proud of him for trying to stand up again. He was certain he disappointed her enough with the stunt that he pulled before he ‘ _died_ ’.

Plus, he wanted to pray. Maybe God will give him a way to help you, after all he wasn’t deserving.

He wanted to drown.

In Sunday morning, he walked to the Catholic Church in Hell’s Kitchen. It was the first time he decided to go to church since he woke up.

Walking to Holy Cross Church was an adventure of its own. He still couldn’t get over his surprise at how **_SAFE_** and calm the area was as he made his way to the church building. He last knew it as a gang-stricken poverty hub that no outsider would safely leave from. Even the Irish themselves.

Just this morning, before he left the NYC SHIELD building, he joked to himself, thinking, _‘I rather get punch again by an Irish gangster than walk to St. Patrick safely and see that it has changed as well over the past 70 years.’_ Instead, he found people of all different colors, languages and ethnicities walking down the streets like there was nothing to fear.

‘At least Catholic Mass stays the same throughout the centuries.’ Steve thought as he entered the church building for the 8:30 am Mass.

Mass itself was another surprise.

First there was the processional hymn. That was new. Then the English scriptural readings and The Apostles creed.

Why were they in English and not in Latin!?

There were alter girls as well as alter boys. Joyful gospel music he heard in Black Churches instead of the Gregorian chants he was used to as a child.

Jeans.

Steve couldn’t wait for communion. He didn’t care if he was disappointing his mother or God. This was too much for him. He needed Mass to end.

“Go in peace to love and serve the Lord” said the priest at the end of Mass.

“Thanks be to God.” Said the people around him.

Once the Father walked down the main aisle and most of the people began to leave, Steve made a beeline to the exit.

He couldn’t even stay and pray for you.

The rest of Sunday was spent in guilt of not being enough for this world or for his current friend, drawing and re-reading old books and the new booklets Fury left for him on his bed after church that read, _“The Second Vatican Council”_ and _“Roman Catholicism: The church since Vatican II.”_

The world had changed much more than he expected.

He needed to see you and Teo again. At least he felt grounded with the gym, Teo and you. He can deal with someone else’s problems far better than his own.

……

He woke up again, feeling a smile form on his lips.

Mondays used to be a drag to the end of a wonderful weekend.

Now it meant an opportunity to meet up with Teo and find a way to cheer you up.

Breakfast was quick. So was the afternoon with self-assigned readings. Lunch. Sketching. Then his walk to the gym. Change clothes. Punch bags while waiting.

And wait long he didn’t.

You came down the stairs, snorting like a bull, eyes sharp like an eagle as you beelined to the punching bags corner. With a quick bent of your knees, you picked up the smallest bag and made your way besides him and dropped the punching bag, preparing the hook to hang it up.

Steve, so mesmerized by your tank top and shorts, felt disappointment fill him when he finally noticed you had hooked the bag. He should have helped you. You took off your drawstring-bag and dug your hand inside it, taking out a piece of paper and tape. A minute later, Steve finally knew what your ex looked like.

Steve watched as you went to the wall while taking out wraps from your bag. You dropped your drawstring-bag and began to tape your hands the way a boxer would. You did some warm-ups as Teo finally came down, saying

“Hey Chele, how’s it going?”

“Alright. Just taking a break. I’m gonna start another set soon.” Said Steve.

“Sweet. Now how’s my cousin doing?” Teo said to you.

“Ready. I got this.” You said.

You didn’t, but it was better than last time. You actually punched. Or kicked in this case. It was light-hearted, but definitely better than the baby taps you gave last time.

It went on for a few minutes before Teo huffed.

“Come on Prima. Lo sé que lo puedes.” Teo ripped the paper off. “Now hit. Show me what you’re really made of.”

“What I’m made of??? ** _I’ll_** show you who I am.” You glared with a proud smirk. The next hits were beautiful and frankly, he was impressed. Your jabs, and crosses, fast and strong. Hooks and uppercuts precise. You hit southpaw. Jumped back after a few rounds to orthodox. A few rounds later, you jumped back to a southie again.

A kick with the left. Punch. Cross. Hook.

A knee with the right. Punch. Cross. Jab.

It was beautiful watching your movements. Your motions.

This cycle continued for two minutes straight before you roundhouse kick the bag so hard, Steve thought it would fly off.

It didn’t, but your fierceness still awed him.

Teo whistled, saying: “Now that’s the cousin that I’m talking about!”

“Th-thanks.” You grinned.

“Feel better?” Teo asked.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

You immediately frowned. “I’m good.”

The rest of the cousins’ gym session was a continuation of reps that you made. It was something that even Steve wanted to joined in.

But he couldn’t.

You were something else.

And even with his strong muscles, his imposing size… Steve still felt like the scrawny kid he was before the serum as he did sit ups in awe, watching you take charge of the gym session and laughing as you and Teo talked. You told fantastic stories.

He had none to share or to do and left with a quick goodbye to both you and Teo while ignoring his new friend’s questioning eyes.

_‘Coward.’_ He told himself as he went home.

……

**Bzzt.**

**Bzzt.**

**Bzzt.**

“Alright, I’ll read.” Steve said out loud to his empty room. He sat up from his bed and read the recent texts Teo sent him.

**Teo** : _Hey Chele, you good?_

**Teo** : _Coli didn’t talk. She’s still a clam. And here I thought you were gonna talk some sense into her lol_

**Teo** : _I miss hanging with you. Why’d you leave early?_

It took longer than Steve wanted to admit how slow he texted back. He blamed technology while texting, ignoring the heat in his cheeks.

**Steve:** _I’m fine. I’m sorry that I left early. I just got surprised- that’s all. I forgot that I’m not good at talking to girls. Plus, she kinda scared me. She seems like a powerful woman with the way she commanded the workouts and that sergeant voice. Then I felt too embarrassed to enter your conversation. I’m wasn’t sure I’ll fit in…so I left._

The blonde sighed as he sent the next text.

**Steve:** _I’m sorry I disappointed you._

**Teo:** _No worries. I don’t blame you. She has that effect on people_

**Teo:** _Still though, feel free to plug yourself in. You’re still my friend. I’ll just introduce you to her next time so it won’t feel as scary. I notice you’re a shy guy. I was surprised you wanted to help_

**Steve:** _I dunno. I guess it’s the kid in me that hates seeing women cry. My dad made my mom cry a lot. It hurts me to see other men do that, even if it’s just hurting emotions…my father…he wasn’t a good person._

**Teo:** _I’m sorry you had a crappy dad Steve. But you don’t have to do this. It’s not your job. It’s hers. She needs to deal with herself, just like you need to deal with you. We can offer all the help we can, but it’s like the saying goes_

**Teo:** _You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink._

Steve snorted, texting his reply to his friend.

**Steve:** _You’re still gonna help her, aren’t you? I know you too well_

**Teo:** _Maybe. But I’ll let her come to me this time. I just dunno how Maria makes her talk_

**Teo:** _Maria just gives her a look and BLAM! Colibri tells her everything. I wish she wasn’t as stubborn and would text her friend_

Steve laughed at that.

**Steve:** _Maybe it’s a girl’s thing?_

**Teo:** _lol_

**Teo:** _Nah, it’s just Colibri being stubborn about admitting her true feelings. She’s doesn’t like to deal with them, that’s all._

**Teo:** _You still good for Wednesday? I miss you gym buddy_ :’(

Steve’s heart swell with warmth.

**Steve:** _I miss you too. I’ll be there like usual._

**Steve:** :)

……

The rest of the week went slower than Steve preferred. He didn’t see you the next time Mateo came in on Wednesday. The two decided to lift weights as a break from boxing. Teo told him about you binge-watching some random TV show on Netflix while meal prepping and accidentally burning your dinner. You weren’t good at multitasking when emotionally distressed. You also tended to daydream and zone out other people. Your other roommate, Willy, wasn’t pleased when he had to tell you three times to take out the trash on your cleaning day.

That night Steve drew you cooking, staring out of the kitchen window.

_‘I wonder what you were thinking of. I don’t blame you for trying to escape from reality. I wanna do that too. It’s just harder when you see the difference though.’_

He frowned. He didn’t like that thought.

Soon it was Saturday. Steve smiled as he walked towards the gym for his afternoon workout. He was glad to have Teo at least, even if he didn’t have the courage to talk to y-

**Bzzt.**

Steve took out his cell phone and notice a new message.

**Teo:** _Hey, me and my cousin are coming today, so we probably won’t do much. I think she’s gonna talk. She says she wants help to let her anger out. I don’t know what happened, but she seems pretty mad._

**Steve:** _No worries. I’ll see you in a bit._

_‘Now’s my chance to help her.’_ Steve thought. _‘But how?’_

After a quick change, Steve found himself in the boxing room and smiled when he saw the punching bags. After setting up his punching bag, he did a quick round of jump ropes, sit ups and push-ups, waiting for the right time. Wait long he didn’t. He heard your strained voice as you talked to Mateo as you made your way downstairs. By that point he was drinking water from the water fountain, near the punching bag alcove.

“-but seriously Mateo. Show me what you do. I want to get worn out today for once. Let’s do intense!” You said as you made your way to the punching bag alcove. You went for the heavier bag Steve himself would approve for intensive training.

Only, you couldn’t lift it.

You pounded it instead, mumbling, “Why can’t I lift it. Maldito alè.” You snorted.

“Need any help?” Steve said.

You sighed and glanced up at him.

“Sure. I guess I could.” You said.

Grabbing the punching bag, Steve went to set it close by his own bag. He stepped back and looked at you.

“Is this good?” He asked.

“It is. Thanks Steve.” You smiled. He couldn’t help but smile and slightly wave back. He went back towards the water fountain for another sip as glee filled him.

_‘She knows my name!’_ He couldn’t help but think, feeling warmth in his cheeks and ears as he drank.

He spent the rest of the session finishing his workout while glimpsing at you and Teo working out. He didn’t want you to think he was gawking at you. He paced the time between his observation to be longer and longer till he got so into his workouts that it was your yelling that had him stop and observe you once more as you screamed,

“This is for lying to me!”

“This is for telling me you loved me while seeing another girl behind my back.”

“Th-this. This is fo-for no-not being there for me when I needed you!”

A series of kicks, punches and jabs followed as you said, “An-and. Fuck You!” You collapsed down to your knees as you gave your last punch. Steve barely saw your tears as you hugged your knees, laying your head in-between your arms, sniffing and hiccuping. Teo kneeled next to you, rubbing your back.

“There, there. Cry it all out.” He said.

“I-I do-don’t want t-to. He do-doesn’t deserve me cr-crying o-over h-him. H-he’s a baboso.” You said.

Hearing you reminded him of his mom. She had said a similar thing after kicking his abusive drunk father out and ending her marriage. She refused to cry despite the pain. And just like his surrogate aunt, he sat down, facing you. Remembering his aunt’s words to his mom, he said,

“But you do.”

You paused your breathing as you looked up to see him.

‘ _What?’_ your eyes said in confusion.

“You’re not crying for him.” He could easily recall his aunt’s words, repeating them just as she said to his mom. “You’re crying for you. For your hurt.”

You sniffed and glanced down, studying your arms and knees. Then, just like her, you cried.

You finally allowed yourself to grieve.

……

Steve took Sunday off from going to the gym. Instead, he found himself in a shrink’s office, who checked over his mental welfare. The sounds of firetrucks and ambulances with the addition of a loud **BOOM!** from a room nearby had sent him back to the war.

He could smell the burning dry air. It was hard to breathe. He glanced down and saw debris, dust and dirt covering the once beautiful streets. The colorful town was painted in greys and fires as people yelled for help in the burning building. Once he got in, it collapsed.

He began to throw everything around him to get out. The exit scene was worse.

It’s was all smokes, burnt buildings and the _wooooo_ of bombs falling. Dead buried bodies surrounded him. It was hell on Earth.

Teo’s ringtone woke him up.

He thanked Steve for helping you to open up. Talking had helped you a lot. While you knew it will be a while before you would recover, you knew you were on your way.

It was Fury who got him the shrink after Steve admitted his unfortunate episode that Saturday evening. Fury himself saw his usually organized room in a chaotic state when he stopped by to deliver his books.

It wasn’t fun, reliving those memories. What was worse was having the shrink ask him how he was adapting to modern day life. When he said he didn’t, the psychotherapist suggested he get reacquainted with the present world by drawing it. It would also help with his PTSD.

Whatever that means.

For the most part, he tuned out the hour-long session and spent the rest of Sunday back in his room, reading books about Teo’s parents’ home country and new information about space exploration since he ‘ _died’_.

It was easier to learn about the changes there than it was in his own home.

Then Teo texted. He wasn’t going to work out tomorrow afternoon due to the papers he had to finish grading. Steve glanced outside his window, observing the New York streets lit at night.

He could stay in this glided cage. Or he could go to the gym solo tomorrow.

Somehow it was less lonely at the gym.

He set up his routine after the ones him and Teo did before finishing it off with the punching bag again.

Each hit to the bag felt like he was punching away at his ghosts that haunted him since his talk with the shrink.

**PUNCH.**

_‘I don’t want to talk about what I saw.’_

**JAB.**

_‘It is my fault that Bucky died.’_

**PUNCH.**

_‘I don’t want to get reacquainted with the new world.’_

**PUNCH.**

_‘Why am I still alive? I should have died!’_

With that last thought, he gave an uppercut with all of his might. For the second time since he befriended Teo, the chain broke and the bag flew across the room. It hit the wall and slid down to the ground.

He huffed, staring at the fallen bag, a storm in his mind.

**FWEEEEEEET!**

Steve turned around, locating the sound of the whistle. He found you knit your brows in concern and mentally sighed. He didn’t want anybody to see him like this. He hated people seeing him as a weakling. Or a Monster. He had enough of those comments run through his head after Bucky’s death.

What kind of a monster would leave his brother to fend for himself? He didn’t want you to see him like that. Self-loathing and in pain.

He glanced back at his own bag across the room as a new thought occurred to him to leave this awkward situation.

“I’ll put a new chain and get the bag for you. I was on my way out anyways.” He said as he went to retrieve the fallen yellowed bag.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You said quietly, your kind voice filling the sorrowful room.

He snorted, feeling the corners of his lips fighting a smile he didn’t want to fill.

_‘Am I really that starved for kindness in this world?’_ He thought. _‘Besides, I want to. I saw you struggling to lift up that bag before.’_

“Nonsense. I saw how you need the hits.” He said picking up the yellowed bag, then mumbling so softly that he was certain you couldn’t hear, “ _Frankly, so do I.”_

“Why do you need the hits?” You said.

He froze. _‘How did you hear that? I was mumbling.’_

He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Opening up was what caused so much pain after Bucky’s death. He was putting himself in danger.

_‘But I’m tired of being alone.’_ Said the quiet voice in his mind. That same voice that convinced him to talk to the stranger that had no expectations of him. Now that stranger was his best friend, Teo.

“I-I.” He could do this. “I feel lost. And alone.” Came out the words he refused to say to his own shrink.

“Why? Maybe I can help?” you said. Your voice, warm as the sun.

He snorted, finally allowing the smile to win despite his sadness. He walked back towards you with the bag as he said,

“You can’t fix the past.”

Your eyebrows scrunched in again as you frowned. “No but talking about things will make you feel better.” You smiled, “Maybe, I can make you see things differently.”

“I don’t think you can help.” He said.

This time you snorted, smirking at him. “Try me.” You patted at the space next to you. He rolled his eyes. _‘Why is everyone trying to get me to open up?’_ he thought. Still, after he put the bag away in its small alcove, he sat next to you.

For you, he would try.

He took in a deep breath, staring into space as he tried to think of a lie that won’t reveal his identity, but still get the gist of his feelings out. Fury had warned him that Hydra was well and alive after he ‘woke up’ and that they needed the upper hand right now with him as their trump card. Just in case.

That and he didn’t want you getting caught up in the Captain America thing as well.

_‘If only I wasn’t in that 70-year com-wait, that’s it!’_ He sighed with relief as he said,

“I…I was in a coma. For a few years.” He paused, glancing at you.

“Uh-huh.” You nodded. You accepted his not-so white-lie.

“Well…when I woke up…the world around me…it was different. Things were different. People were different. I have no family and friends right now and I’m just trying to…you know…survive?” Make sense of things for sure.” He paused, staring at his knees. The words slipped out so easily, it scared him.

He didn’t want you asking the whys. And it wasn’t just because of his identity and Hydra. So, he said another white lie.

“I’ve also lost my memory, so that doesn’t help things either.” He laughed, nervous and in pain at his reality. Captain America was a symbol of truth, justice and honesty, and yet here he was. Lying to someone he wanted to befriend. Yet he spilled his heart out. “I don’t know what to make of myself right now. The gym here makes the most sense. I have a living space, but it feels like a cage. I live here more than at my apartment. At least here, I have something to do, something to look forward to.”

He sighed, feeling his heart lighten up for the first time in what felt like decades.

It probably was as well.

“Huh.” You said. It wasn’t judgmental as he expected, but surprised. A beat later, you spoke again. “Have you tried to catch up with the times yet? Maybe that might be a good start…to get reacquainted with the present world.”

_‘Ahh, there it is again.’_ He snorted, saying, “That’s what the doc says, but I don’t feel too comfortable right now. I rather stick to what I know.”

“And what?!” He could feel your glare from your voice without even looking at you as you continued, “You can’t live your whole life here! There’s a whole world out there! Waiting for you to explore it! And in what better place than in the greatest city in the world!?!”

_‘Why won’t people leave me alone. Can’t you all see that I don’t belong here?’_ He thought, leaning his head onto his arms as he hugged his knees. He heard you sigh and from the corner of his eyes, saw you drop your arms.

“I’m sorry.” You said. “I didn’t mean to push you, but I also don’t like seeing you down like this. You deserve to live too you know? Especially after you helped me out.” He glanced at you, seeing you smile, with care in your eyes. “I want to make sure you’re doing well too Stev-o.” You gave a friendly pat to his shoulder with your fist. He couldn’t help but snort, smiling at your gesture.

“Thanks…but I’m not ready just yet. In my own time.”

You nodded. You both sat there, listening to the machines upstairs as the thought, _‘When will I be ready?’_ ran through his mind. He glanced down at you, feeling his face heat up. He never liked asking for help, but maybe it was time to do so.

“Maybe…you can show me around?”

“It would be my pleasure.” You grinned. “Us New Yorkers have to look out for one another,” You elbowed him with a wink. You reminded him of Bucky, his suave friend. “Besides, I can’t have my favorite gym rat burn himself out down here. There’s plenty to do! I know Mateo has some sweet tickets for a baseball game coming up. His girlfriend is out of town – a family emergency. You ever been to a subway series?”

Immediately he felt his world brighten. “Have I ever! My favorite is when the Dodgers plays against the Giants. Gotta love ‘dem bums.” He laughed, grinning at the memories that played in his mind as he recalled the taste of victory when him and Bucky saw the Giants lose in Ebbets Field.

“You never told me you’re from California.” Steve frowned at that as he glanced at your baffled face.

“I’m not from California. I’m just a kid from Brooklyn.” He said.

“Huh.” Now you frowned at that. He felt the preternatural tingle emit from you. It disappeared just as soon as you said, “There’s no Giants or Dodgers here. It’s just Mets and Yankees. The subway series is just them two against each other.” You said.

“What?!” He felt his heart break, his breath quickening. “What happened to the Dodgers!? And what’s a Mets???”

“You really are an amnesic.” You paused as you met his eyes. Your hand touched his. Immediately he felt his rapidly beating heart slow down. It felt like he was in a trance; he found it easier to breathe again. Your hand was so soft compared to his.

You spoke again.

“They went to California in the 60s along with the Giants. I know a few old fellows still crying about it. The Yankees became the only New York team till the Mets came to Queens in the 60s and boy do they suck!” You laughed.

Steve felt his jaw drop.

The Dodgers left. His beloved home team left Brooklyn.

“You might want to close that.” You said, breaking his thoughts. “You don’t want to eat any flies. Trust me on that. Bleh.” He glanced at you as you stuck your tongue out, making a face.

Steve sighed. “The world really had changed.” He thought-out loud as he laid back against the wall.

Strange, he felt tranquil at that. Even peaceful. He wasn’t hyperventilating and close to tears like when Fury told him everyone he knew was long dead and gone. Or dying. His breaths were as even as the peaceful vibe in the room.

Maybe he was finally accepting the truth.

“Hey! It might not be such a bad thing. You should try it before you knock it. Unless of course, you wanna try and hide out the rest of your life here in your gym-nest.” You joked.

_‘That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.’_ He thought. “Maybe I should.” He said. He hadn’t felt more at peace anywhere else but the gym since he ‘woke up’. Especially with your hand above his. He stared at the wall across from him. _‘I wonder how mad Fury will be if I asked to live he-’_

GUEHWSERE.

You both sat up straight. Steve glanced at your stomach as it growled again before looking you in your eyes as he saw your cheeks tinting in color as you pulled at your collar with a nervous grin.

_‘It’s nice to know I’m not the only one to get embarrassed here.’_ He thought, elbowing you with a smile as he said, “Maybe you should grab a bite to eat.”

“One condition.” You smirked.

“What’s that?” He didn’t like the look on your face. Teo told him about that smirk. The one that lead to crazy adventures. He wasn’t ready to tackle the world yet with a stranger.

“Come with me. I rather not leave you. You look like you could use a friend or two.”

“Are you saying that you’re my friend?” He felt stunned like the day he first met your eyes.

“Only if you want me to be. So, do you want to come? Mateo will probably come too.” You added.

He paused and chewed on his lower lip as moments passed. _‘I know I’m not ready to tackle this world with a stranger, but with friends...Ma did say friends made the world more bearable at your lowest points.’_

“Yeah.” He finally said. He felt his throat tighten as you met his eyes. “I would like that. Dinner. With friends.

“Yes!” You pumped your fist in the air. “I have to text Mateo. There’s a great spot he was telling me he wanted to visit, there’s food, music and dancing…”

He laughed anxiously. _‘What did I get myself into?’_ He asked himself, feeling his lip form into a smile as he watched your eyes glow with excitement for once instead of the repressed sadness he was used to seeing. _‘Maybe, just maybe…It will be okay to try.’_ He thought, feeling your good vibes affect him as well.

And if he was being honest to himself, he’s been waiting for this adventure with you since Teo first spoke about you. Like the day he befriended Bucky, he knew it was a start of a new adventure and more importantly, a good friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥳Happy New Year guys!🥳
> 
> I hope you guys had a wonderful festive season. I also hope that 2020 started off better for you guys then it did for me. I got sick after New Years and was bedridden with a fever. Then I woke up to WW3 memes and apparently Australia's on fire???. 
> 
> What a way to wake up and start the decade with.
> 
> I want to be hopeful that it won't end too badly and fixes itself up...but it feels like it 2003 again with the Iraq war. And my president is an idiot. Again. For any Iranians/Iraqi out there reading this, stay safe and I'm sorry that my leader is a terrible human being. I'm against this pointless war. 
> 
> And don't get sick. Stay healthy! Get plenty of sleep! That goes to everyone. 😷
> 
> \----Now onto the story.----
> 
> This project, "Anam Cara", started off as a way for me to get into this Steve's mind. This version of Steve is a combinations of info from the MCU, comics and my own imagination. I wanted to know more about who this man is and who we would be interacting in the series before I begin the actual sequel to 'Un Extranjero Amiguero", one which I dubbed as DULAN for short.
> 
> So far I like this person that I met and well, hopefully he finds a way to making the present here (probably mid 2010s) his new home. It won't be easy, but it will be entertaining seeing him interact with the present world. 
> 
> "Anam Cara" will essentially be the companion to DULAN from his POV after chapter 4. DULAN will come out in 2-3 weeks as scheduled. Thank you all for the comments, kudos, plain out reading my stories and sticking with me!  
> I hope you enjoy the rest of the series and what's yet to come!


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